Coaching Corner: I feel disappointed...and...
By "Coach" Marilou Butcher Roth
Earlier this week an agent was sharing a story that any one of us could encounter. A neighbor/friend purchased a home from another agent, even though this agent had been showing them homes. All of the details are not as important as what happens now.
This situation has been eating him up, he was disappointed, of course. He also was angry and blaming, confused about how this could have happened. Now...here’s the important part. During this time, he has not only been blaming the neighbor/friend but, even more, he was blaming himself. He began to doubt his abilities, wondering what he had done wrong as a REALTOR. And...it went beyond that. He became distracted with the other activities in his life -- both personally and professionally! This situation become all encompassing. Unfortunately, this is not uncommon.
Situations will present themselves in our lives that generate feelings -- we may feel angry, sad, scared or various degrees of these emotions. When we get stuck in what has happened “to us,” we cannot move forward, or enjoy all of the other activities in our lives.
Here is another example. I was speaking with my 11 year old grandson today, and he expressed some unhappiness around one of his teachers and proceeded to tell me in various ways why she was “bad.” He even said he didn’t enjoy another class with a favorite teacher, because of what the previous teacher had done “to him.” And there it is...again. It’s a story that has been around forever. It’s about what we do when we hold the belief that someone is doing something “to us.”
I am not telling you to suck it up and ignore your feelings -- quite the opposite. Feel them PLEASE, and then shift your attention onto activities and people that generate a feeling of joy. This does not mean that you won’t feel disappointed or fearful. Those feelings can co-exist with easier feelings, and, you can then move forward and get on with your life. Do not let the “bad” situations keep you locked into feeling bad.
You do not have control over how others behave -- you DO have control over yourself and how you react to these behaviors. Which will you choose?