Coaching Corner: Are you on the triangle?
By "Coach" Marilou Butcher Roth
Earlier this week I had a call with one of my Leadership Academy groups and we were discussing “The Triangle.” We all learned this shape early on, and now we are going to look at what it means to us as adults.
Imagine a triangle -- or even draw one if you like. At one point of the triangle, see or write “Victim.” On the next see or write “Bully,” and finally see or write “Hero” on the third point. Ok, now let’s break these down...
Victim -- when you are on this position on the triangle, you are definitely coming from a place of “look what’s happening to me.” There are obviously varying degrees of victim, none feeling good!
Bully -- when you are in the experience of blame or judgement (towards someone, something or yourself), you are hanging out on the bully position of the triangle. And again, you will not feel good.
Hero -- now this one is tricky! We want the best for others, and yet, there are times when quite frankly, we need to back away. If you find yourself in “fix it” mode, pay attention!
When we are on the triangle, we can easily move from position to position and sometimes even taking on a bit of the Twister game where we are straddling more than one! When we can get ourselves off of the triangle (I’ll talk later about this), we find authentic happiness, where we are aligned with the biggest and best parts of ourselves. Now surely, this gives you some motivation, doesn’t it?
So, how do we get off of this troublesome triangle? Having the awareness is key and will help you more than you think. Understanding this triangle will give you countless opportunities to choose -- do I want to be here or in a much happier place. Sometimes it is just that easy. Other times you may want to do some breathing, journaling or seek counsel from someone who will not get on the triangle with you!!
Here is the easiest way to know if you are “Triangling” -- you will not feel good! That is your first best step to finding your happy space! Enjoy!