Coaching Corner: Identifying fear -- part 2

By Marilou Butcher Roth

Lets start with FIGHT — just to refresh, when I think of this one, I am brought back to countless situations where a seller positions himself in a defensive mode during negotiations. The example I gave last week was “what do they want, my first born?” As we hear this from a client, first, notice your own response. Does their anger/fear generate fear within you? Then remember that you cannot talk someone out of this type of position, so don't even try. Let them vent and bring them back to what they want from this transaction, i.e. what was their motivation for the move? They need to feel heard, how do you let them know that you get it without being patronizing? You need to be the stability and remain calm. You getting upset along with them will only exacerbate matters.

Next up is FLEE — as I mentioned last week, this does not necessarily mean to physically leave, although that can apply as well. A client may become agitated enough to just walk out. More common behavior, however, is a mental check out. Their attention is no longer on the task at hand, or they begin to distract themselves. I have found the best way to handle this is to take a break from the current discussion. If you are in a place where you can stop and get a glass of water or coffee, this would be a good time for that.

FAINT is always interesting. Although smelling salts will not be required, you will need to pay attention when this flag flies! What you will notice is a rather spacey response from your client. The client who up until now has been on top of the numbers and their direction, all of the sudden seems confused about topics previously discussed. For example, “Now how long do you think it will take me to drive to work?” comes up even though they have tracked each house they have looked at to determine that time. For these folks, you want to get them more grounded. This may come from a conversation shift that has nothing to do with real estate. Or, take an easy break, possibly to get a bite to eat if that is appropriate. Briefly engage them in something else.

And lastly, we have FREEZE. This is one of my personal favorites because over the years it seems to be my own response in situations where I feel fear. It shows up as shut down, conversation stops. Trying to move a person who is exhibiting freeze into another conversation will get you nowhere. This person needs to physically move their body. You can initiate a break to stand up, stretch or even walk if possible. Once they start moving, you will notice a “thaw.”

Interestingly, the timing that I have noticed these flags appear is during the time of the contract, either in writing or during negotiations. Remember, these displays are primarily going to be very subtle. It is our job to ease them through this, keeping in mind this is their agenda, not ours, and also to pay attention to your response to them. Noticing is key! And keys are important in real estate, right?

Marilou Butcher Roth

Marilou Butcher Roth is the owner of The MBR Group, a coaching and training company working primarily with REALTORS who have a desire to work and live from a more inspired place. She is also the Broker/Owner of Group REALTORS in Cincinnati.

Marilou is a member of the Ohio REALTORS Board of Directors and past chairman of the organization’s Communications Committee.

Contact Marilou at  to see if coaching is right for you.

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