Coaching Corner: The trick to positive thinking
By Marilou Butcher Roth
Things happen! Unless you are living in a cave void of any interactions with others, situations will occur that create feelings of anger or sadness or even fear within us. So we scramble to make that feeling go away -- I will just think about this in a positive way you say to yourself! So you try, and you try and even try some more and ultimately you still feel lousy! How can this be?! You are putting forth a tremendous amount of effort into reframing the situation at hand, speaking words to yourself that should change this, and yet you are left with the same feeling, and sometimes even feel worse.
Okay, here the scoop -- it's not about the words...it's about the feeling! Remember that our subconscious is playing a large part in all of this. So, let's use one of our top ten real estate downers -- a deal goes down. Oh, it just doesn't go down, it goes down in flames, impacting another transaction as well! Eek! This can't be happening, I am going to be sick, How can I possibly tell the other agent who is a friend. I could go on, but I think you get the point -- this is a devastating situation that no one will be pleased about.
So here you are with a horrible feeling and you remember someone's words to think in a positive way to allow you to feel better. Well, you can use every positive speak you can think of and there is no way your subconscious mind will buy any of it. No matter how many words you speak to yourself or even to others, your feeling of dread will be there. What do you do? How can you handle this?
First -- do not push against the feeling you are having! Of course you feel bad, for everyone concerned -- this is normal. Let yourself be aware of your feelings -- honor them if you will.
Second -- let yourself get curious about the situation. I wonder why this is happening? Is there anything that I can do in this situation?, or How can I be of most service in this situation? At this point, you might begin to notice a lessening of the death grip the initial feeling had on you. The key to curiosity is be truly be curious -- ask questions that you do not know the answers to, a pure curiosity.
Third -- if you have determined that you have taken all of the action that you can, it is time to move forward. If you continue to walk around the office and lament to your co-workers or manager, you will stay stuck in the feeling. Now, I would not necessarily jump right into working on another deal at this point, unless you notice that when you do your mood elevates. You may need a break entirely. Perhaps you have an uplifting person you can go to lunch with. Or if its not freezing outside, maybe a walk will help clear your mind. There may be a trip coming up that you want to put your attention toward. There is no right or wrong answer here. At this point, your only job is to find situations, conversations or activities that generate a better feeling place for YOU! Fill your head with only good, positive conversations and activities. Imagine that one will lead to the next and to the next and so on.
This takes practice and focus! One thing that I can assure you of -- if you continue to focus and talk about what is wrong it will get bigger and bigger. And, if you attempt to speak positive words about a situation that every part of you knows is not positive, you will stay stuck.
This is one "Coaching Corner" post you might want to print out and keep handy just in case!
