Coaching Corner: The power of NO!
By "Coach" Marilou Butcher Roth
The very title this week may send shivers down some of your spines! Let's admit it, there are some of you out there that quake at the idea of having to say no to someone or something. There were many years when this concept completely eluded me, which is not to say I didn't say no, but when I did there was usually some angst around it!
Some of the harder no's are to family and friends -- it might be about attending an event, babysitting or even lending money. We also say yes to co-workers, bosses or clients when saying this may not be the best direction.
Now, there is no set rule for this other than YOU need to tune into YOU to see if the question posed is a for YOU! When we say yes when we really mean no it doesn't help anyone and we end up resenting either the person or the situation because of it.
Also, notice how you try to soften your NO with I can't _______, or I have to __________. Each time we do this, we without realizing it, go into a victim mentality. One instance where I really caught myself is in changing a doctor's appointment. I typically would lead with I have to or I need to change my appointment. This was not really the case -- the reality was that a conflict emerged and I WANTED to change it. Now this may seem very simple but I can tell you from personal experience how much better I feel when I just say what is true: I would like to change my appointment. Ah, so much cleaner!
When you learn to tune into your yes's and your no's, you will find that telling someone no is much easier than you thought. For example, perhaps your plate is full and taking something else on feels dreadful, even though it is something that typically you would do. Refrain from making excuses and I can't(s) and speak authentically: Right now I do not feel I would have the availability to give this project the attention it deserves. Please ask me in the future. Simple -- to the point -- clean -- clear!
So, two things to focus on this week: (1.) Tune into you to make sure you are saying yes because it is truly a yes for you, and (2.) Pay attention to those phrases like “I can't, I have to and I need to for their accuracy.
And now, I have to be done writing! Just kidding!!!
